Daddy Moved Out

Divorce, Parenting, Stress Management

2010-10-07T22:46:00.001-07:00

Accountability in Society

2010-01-03T22:32:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the things we want to work most, break. Sometimes the people we love the most, hurt us. Sometimes we have to make choices between which pain is a healthier pain to endure. In my case, after 12 years of constant selfless effort in a marriage that lacked the fundamental reciprocity necessary for it to be successful, I realized that quitting was the right thing to do. The most painful consequence of this decision is the anger and confusion that my children feel as a result. I know first hand that only time dulls that pain. It is a pain I never wanted my kids to endure, yet it is now a pain that they carry in their hearts.

Our society has been decaying from within without sufficient checks and balances. Media, video games, and entertainment focus upon low brow, sensationalized content catering to the lowest common denominator among human beings. Wholesome, classy entertainment has been upstaged by scantilly clad sex objects spewing profanity laced prose masquerading as sound role models.

Reflections

2009-09-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

When I wake up in the morning, part of my daily ritual is looking in the mirror and holding myself accountable for my choices. Accountability is a good thing as it establishes the ability for us to manage what we can control. As a recently divorced father, there are many things about having my children live in two different homes with very different sets of rules that I cannot control and this is frustrating. Basic values like manners and respect are important aspects of who I am. My goal is to instill these values in my children so they have a sound model for guidance. To err is human. To admit and learn from our mistakes is divine. If my children tell me that I am too strict, then I know I am doing something right. Children can communicate their feelings without being rude or disrespectful. They can be held accountable for their behavior without diminishing their self esteem. Well thought expression and dialog without whining and disrespect is a requirement in my home. As I reflect back on my childhood, my parents always demanded respect, via the old school methods like fear, bullying and intimidation. This worked for my parents, but the adverse event was a negative impact on self-esteem. I believe accountability tactics and positive reinforcement are a better approach. Each of my children work on a sticker reward system within my home. When they do something well, I award stickers and allow the stickers to accumulate incrementally for minor and major rewards. This establishes an economy of value around behavior within the home. A negative behavior results in a loss of stickers which ultimately diminishes the goal of achieving a goal reward. Thus far, this system has been working nicely as people have actually praised the difference they see in my children's behavior when they are with me versus when they are with my ex-wife. I have shared my system with my ex, but she has chosen not to provide any structure. Ergo, the structure is provided when they have time with me and that is the best I can do for now. When I look in the mirror, I hope and pray that my efforts are not fruitless and that my actions will make a positive difference in the lives of my children.

Ad Words

2009-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:00